The Best Collection of Career-Ending Remarks… Ever!

Hello, gullibles! The holidays are fast approaching. Why, the first week of August alone sees, uh… Swiss National Day… and, er… the 65th anniversary of the Hiroshima bombing! Yes, it’s nearly Nukesmas again, folks. Naturally, you’ve all got that special someone a traditional Nukesmas Day gift, and-

What’s that? You’ve forgotten AGAIN? Oh no! What are you going to do?! Your assigned life partner unit will have you strung up and battered like a greasy piñata for this!

But, never fear! Honest Palmer’s Holiday Gifts is ready to leap to the rescue once again. Boy, oh boy! Do we have a deal for you this year! So perk up your hideous donkey ears and listen well, you cretinous money-sacks.

Now, as we’re all aware, nothing says “Happy holidays” more than an audio recording filled with the drunken ramblings of a dangerous psychopath. That’s why we’ve collected together (for the first time EVER!) none other than the complete works of Mel Gibson! That’s right, only a feckless imbecile would hesitate to pick up his copy of…

‘The Best Collection of Career-Ending Remarks… Ever!’

This sixteen-CD, beautifully-packagised collection was made with the full co-operation of Mr Gibson (well, A Mr Gibson, at least!), and contains not only Mad Mel’s recent outbursts, but every insane, bigoted, racist, sexist, violent, homophobic, anti-Semitic, misogynistic, angry, drunk, ignorant and bullheaded comment he’s ever made! You’ll hear such classics as:

“They take it up the a*s. This is only good for taking a s**t!”
“Sugar t**s.”
“I’ll apologize when Hell freezes over. They can f**k off.”
“I want to kill him. I want his intestines on a stick. I want to kill his dog.”
“F*****g Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.”

And of course, we wouldn’t omit Mel’s modern masterpieces. You’ll also get these incredible pieces from his 2010 album, ‘Messages to My Ex’:

“Shut the f**k up! You should just f*****g blow me!”
“I need a woman, not a f*****g little girl with a f*****g dysfunctional c**t.”
“I don’t need medication. You need a f*****g bat to the side of the head, all right?”
“I’ll put you in a f*****g rose garden, you c**t!”
“I’ll report her to the f*****g people and take money from the f*****g w******s.”

And, of course, the triple adamantium-selling smash hit single:

“You look like a f*****g b***h on heat. And if you get raped by a pack of n*****s, it’ll be your fault, all right?”

Cracking stuff!

Naturally, all of these timeless hits are digitally remastified, using the latest soundbrating techmodrinators. That’s science, you know! You’ve never heard bizarre self-ruin in such clear, crispy quality! And if you have, we’ll refund you up to HALF the retail price! If you can catch us, that is! Ha ha!

And speaking of price, here’s the most amazing part of this stomach-rupturingly good deal: ‘The Best Collection of Career-Ending Remarks… Ever!’ costs just £59.99! Plus P&P! VAT not included!  International customs bribes to be determined! Forget that last one!

That’s right. Just £59.99!

But wait… there’s more!

On top of the fantastic ‘The Best Collection of Career-Ending Remarks… Ever!’, we’ll also throw in (at (almost) no extra cost) last year’s out-of-this-world Nukesmas offer: A year’s supply of CHARD! Yes, that’s £300’s worth of disgusting green sludge absolutely (sort of) free!

So what are you waiting for, you simpering numbskull?! Give Honest Palmer’s a call now on <NUMBER REMOVED PENDING CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION> and grab your copy of ‘The Best Collection of Career-Ending Remarks… Ever!’ today! And, as a special introductory offer, if you buy ten, you get one FREE! Think of all the joy you’ll bring to yourself and everyone you tolerate!

And always remember, in the spirit of Nukesmas…

...we know where you live.

Lines now open!